May 2, 2011
With Mother's Day coming up, I can't help but think of how blessed I am to have such an amazing mother.
She has always been there for me. Even thought there were times when I told her I did not want her to be there for me, she always was. She taught me to love God. She continues to be my greatest example of what having a testimony of Christ looks like.
Since I have been focusing on being spiritually centered, I have been able to feel her sweet spirit more profoundly than ever before. I don't know how, but I never realized how deep my mother's testimony of our Savior ran. I am so grateful that my mother loves the Lord and is willing to go through so much that others may be comforted in their afflictions and adversities.
Growing up as the only boy in the family provided me with an extra close relationship with her. I was, and still am, a mama's boy. I couldn't imagine her not in my life. We are able to practically know each other's thoughts and feelings. Sometimes I write a question, only to have it answered in the next letter - which was written BEFORE my letter even gets to her. I have never been closer to another person, in terms of always being able to count on their "being there" for me.
I love you, Mom, and it is my prayer that you can see yourself as I see you:
1. A success in every possible way
2. A rock of faith
3. An example of a Latter-day Saint woman
You're amazing, Mom, and you deserve more than I could ever give you.
Showing posts with label Mom. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Mom. Show all posts
Friday, July 8, 2011
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Letter to Mom - Part Two
March 25, 2011
You are a spiritual giant, Mom. A perfect soul who was exceptionally faithful in the pre-mortal existence. You have already won, Mom. We just need to allow God to love us and place all our worth on His love. Every single day we live should be an amazing, awesome day! No matter what trials we come across, as long as we are spiritually centered and use those trials for what they were intended - spiritual growth.
The natural man tells us that we are not enough, that we are not doing it good enough, that we need to do better or that is not enough. Not enough! All God wants from us is progress! He doesn't care if we make mistakes, if we have trouble with addictions, if we are selfish at times. What matters is that we are trying to improve, that we are dedicated and determined to stay on that straight and narrow path - no matter what. He sees us making progress, no matter how small that progress may seem to us, it is enough for us to qualify for eternal life.
I love you so much, Mom. You have always shown me the kind of love that God has for us, so I know you know how much God loves you. Rejoice in the knowledge that we have the gospel in our lives, that we are on the path to eternal life, that we will be able to be together for all eternity as a family.
I am so grateful to have you as a mother. Whatever I did before to qualify for such a tremendous blessing must have been pretty awesome. Thank you, Mom, for your testimony. thank you for always seeing my true worth, even though I never did.
I can honestly say I never had any self-esteem, until now. What a glorious statement that is! I feel like I am worth something! I feel good about myself! the most important thing is that none of these feelings are tied to anything on the temporal level. I am starting to see my spiritual self for the very first time.
Now that I can see how god sees me, I can also see how God sees others. Now that I am starting to truly love myself as God loves me, I can start loving others the same way.
I hope you are smiling, Mom. I hope you know how much I love and appreciate you. without you I would be lost. Now that I have found the path, don't you think I am going to let you out of my sight even for a second! Don't you even think about wandering off! I got my eye on you, Mom-ster!
Thank you again, Momma, for everything. I love you.
You are a spiritual giant, Mom. A perfect soul who was exceptionally faithful in the pre-mortal existence. You have already won, Mom. We just need to allow God to love us and place all our worth on His love. Every single day we live should be an amazing, awesome day! No matter what trials we come across, as long as we are spiritually centered and use those trials for what they were intended - spiritual growth.
The natural man tells us that we are not enough, that we are not doing it good enough, that we need to do better or that is not enough. Not enough! All God wants from us is progress! He doesn't care if we make mistakes, if we have trouble with addictions, if we are selfish at times. What matters is that we are trying to improve, that we are dedicated and determined to stay on that straight and narrow path - no matter what. He sees us making progress, no matter how small that progress may seem to us, it is enough for us to qualify for eternal life.
I love you so much, Mom. You have always shown me the kind of love that God has for us, so I know you know how much God loves you. Rejoice in the knowledge that we have the gospel in our lives, that we are on the path to eternal life, that we will be able to be together for all eternity as a family.
I am so grateful to have you as a mother. Whatever I did before to qualify for such a tremendous blessing must have been pretty awesome. Thank you, Mom, for your testimony. thank you for always seeing my true worth, even though I never did.
I can honestly say I never had any self-esteem, until now. What a glorious statement that is! I feel like I am worth something! I feel good about myself! the most important thing is that none of these feelings are tied to anything on the temporal level. I am starting to see my spiritual self for the very first time.
Now that I can see how god sees me, I can also see how God sees others. Now that I am starting to truly love myself as God loves me, I can start loving others the same way.
I hope you are smiling, Mom. I hope you know how much I love and appreciate you. without you I would be lost. Now that I have found the path, don't you think I am going to let you out of my sight even for a second! Don't you even think about wandering off! I got my eye on you, Mom-ster!
Thank you again, Momma, for everything. I love you.
A Letter to Mom - Part One
March 25, 2011
The first thing I want to address is what I have learned about my Heavenly Father. I always felt like it was strange that we prayed to Him and not Christ. I always found myself wanting to talk to the Savior. I actually remember thinking, "What is the point in praying to the Father? It's the Son who does everything for us." I had no connection with the Father, but I could relate to Jesus. I was pretty much wholly focused on the Savior.
This is 100% the correct way to get into the telestial kingdom. It is not going to get me to the Celestial Kingdom. It is not about the Savior; it is about God, the Eternal Father. Even Christ, Himself, says that it all about the Father. He gives all the credit to Him. Everything He does is for the Father.
As shocking as it may seem, before the CD program "Becoming Spiritually Centered," that you sent me, I did not know my God. Now I do. I understand! I can feel my Father's love for me. My focus is on Him and nothing else. Anything less is not going to get me where I want to be.
I am being taught that anything we allow to create value in ourselves needs to come from God. If our self-worth is tied to anything else, it generates low feelings of self-worth. I now understand that that God loves us unconditionally. He loves me the same regardless of my performance. I am of equal worth to Him as the Savior. Christ is of equal worth to God as Lucifer is. Our Father in Heaven has a perfect love. My worth to Him is unmeasurable. Absolutely nothing will ever change my true worth. Nothing. The only thing that changes is MY ability to FEEL His love. When I walk in the light, I can feel His love for me.
I now am placing my self-worth on God's love for me and detaching myself from all those things that used to give me self=esteem. Things like winning, physical appearance, helping others, etc. Whenever we allow ANYTHING in this temporal world to value us, we are giving the Adversary a way to bring us down.
Everything we do needs to be dedicated to and done for God.
For example, do you feel bad that I am in prison? I heard you say "yes." Why? You know that the Lord has a plan for me and He is going to do whatever it takes to ensure I come back to Him. You should be rejoicing, Mom. You can't? Why not? Don't be temporally centered. See the situation as Christ sees it. Look with your spiritual eyes and you would be dancing for joy! Why feel sorrow for the pain I had to endure? You know that it was for my spiritual growth. You know it was God's way of helping me. Celebrate, Mom! Let go of the natural man's urges to be selfish and try to see things as God sees it. This is but a moment, Mom. God loves us, we are spiritual angels with worth unmeasurable.
I am opening my eyes and accepting God's love. I can feel it so strongly at times, it is almost overwhelming. Rejoice in this life with me, Mom. Your value is not based on how well you have raised us. It is not based on how well you can do bead work, or how well you teach, or how much you weigh. (to be continued)
The first thing I want to address is what I have learned about my Heavenly Father. I always felt like it was strange that we prayed to Him and not Christ. I always found myself wanting to talk to the Savior. I actually remember thinking, "What is the point in praying to the Father? It's the Son who does everything for us." I had no connection with the Father, but I could relate to Jesus. I was pretty much wholly focused on the Savior.
This is 100% the correct way to get into the telestial kingdom. It is not going to get me to the Celestial Kingdom. It is not about the Savior; it is about God, the Eternal Father. Even Christ, Himself, says that it all about the Father. He gives all the credit to Him. Everything He does is for the Father.
As shocking as it may seem, before the CD program "Becoming Spiritually Centered," that you sent me, I did not know my God. Now I do. I understand! I can feel my Father's love for me. My focus is on Him and nothing else. Anything less is not going to get me where I want to be.
I am being taught that anything we allow to create value in ourselves needs to come from God. If our self-worth is tied to anything else, it generates low feelings of self-worth. I now understand that that God loves us unconditionally. He loves me the same regardless of my performance. I am of equal worth to Him as the Savior. Christ is of equal worth to God as Lucifer is. Our Father in Heaven has a perfect love. My worth to Him is unmeasurable. Absolutely nothing will ever change my true worth. Nothing. The only thing that changes is MY ability to FEEL His love. When I walk in the light, I can feel His love for me.
I now am placing my self-worth on God's love for me and detaching myself from all those things that used to give me self=esteem. Things like winning, physical appearance, helping others, etc. Whenever we allow ANYTHING in this temporal world to value us, we are giving the Adversary a way to bring us down.
Everything we do needs to be dedicated to and done for God.
For example, do you feel bad that I am in prison? I heard you say "yes." Why? You know that the Lord has a plan for me and He is going to do whatever it takes to ensure I come back to Him. You should be rejoicing, Mom. You can't? Why not? Don't be temporally centered. See the situation as Christ sees it. Look with your spiritual eyes and you would be dancing for joy! Why feel sorrow for the pain I had to endure? You know that it was for my spiritual growth. You know it was God's way of helping me. Celebrate, Mom! Let go of the natural man's urges to be selfish and try to see things as God sees it. This is but a moment, Mom. God loves us, we are spiritual angels with worth unmeasurable.
I am opening my eyes and accepting God's love. I can feel it so strongly at times, it is almost overwhelming. Rejoice in this life with me, Mom. Your value is not based on how well you have raised us. It is not based on how well you can do bead work, or how well you teach, or how much you weigh. (to be continued)
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
My First Visit
February 13, 2011
Yesterday I had my first visit. My mother and sister brought my new niece with them to see me. It was so nice seeing them and at the same time it was extremely difficult juggling all the different emotions that were rushing through me.
It broke my heart to see my Mom. To look into her eyes and see all the pain that was there. Knowing it was my foolish actions that that have brought more pain and stress into her life.
The visit was going great until I over-reacted to some news that my mother had given away some of my possessions to my son's mother. I proceeded to get upset and it brought my mother to tears.
How foolish and self absorbed I was acting. After talking it out and trying to remove my foot from my mouth; I, of course, realized she had made the correct decision - as always. My son needed clothes and since I was no longer able to support them, they were in desperate straits.
Before I got arrested, I had a sales job that not only paid me ridiculous amounts of money, but also enabled me to spend my time as I desired. And it was totally legal. Unfortunately, the wealth went completely to my head. I started putting a lot of value on material things. I am completely irresponsible with money. My family always had limited income and after my parent's divorce, we were truly poor. It wasn't a good combination for handling the enormous amounts of money I was earning.
When I was arrested and taken into custody, I lost a lot of my belongings and somewhere deep inside I was still tenuously clinging on to what little I had left.
I wish I had kept my mouth shut but as usual my mouth goes faster than my brain. I was upset and it felt like I had just lost something extremely important. After I had mended things the best I could, or rather after my sister helped put things into prospective, we were able to enjoy the rest of our visit. After they left, I went back to my dorm. I felt devastated. I was angry and disappointed in myself.
I had not seen or spoken to my sister in over three months. My mom, longer. My mom doesn't even live in the same state as where I am now. She had spent a lot of time traveling to see me. to see her hurt like that broke my heart.
It caused me to do a lot of soul searching to find the root of my behavior. I wanted to pull out whatever had caused the problem. I did not realize, before, how much value I was STILL placing on wealth and material things.
My life as I had known it ended when I was arrested. I knew I was being given a second chance at life. it was a message to me that I needed to give up the world and my worldly desires and embrace the Lord completely. My life now belonged to Him. I know it always has belonged to God but by my actions I was serving a different master. Now I know that God was letting me know that there was still a little bit I needed to give up. I needed to stop placing my self-worth in things ans start placing it in service and my family. Ninety-eight percent is not enough. It has to be everything. Your whole entire heart needs to be committed to God and completely detached from things of this world.
I know that at one time in my life I completely understood the feelings of surrendering everything to God. I can't believe I have since forgotten how it feels. Scary and satisfying at the same time. There is a different level of peace and comfort that comes after the anxiety of that leap of faith. I am thankful for the lesson. i just wish it didn't have to come at my mother's expense.
I am hoping that they will be able to visit me again Monday. I am going to do everything I can to make sure my mother knows she is loved and appreciated. It will be her day, not mine. I just want to hold her hand and let her tell me about everything her little heart desires. I am going to encourage her to express all she has been bottling up in anticipation of seeing me.
Yesterday I could tell she was just so anxious to share and relate with me and I didn't take the time or effort to acknowledge everything she was trying to share. (We are all ADD/ADHD, so it is always a race to see who can talk first! Lol!)
Tomorrow will be her day. She will know I value her words because I an going to listen. I am going to ask questions about what she is talking about so that she knows I am listening. I am going to always look into her eyes when she is talking to me so she can see the love I have for her. I am not going to talk about myself because these visits are not for me. I am going to hold her hand and tell her I love her. Not just with words, but most importantly, with my actions.
Yesterday I had my first visit. My mother and sister brought my new niece with them to see me. It was so nice seeing them and at the same time it was extremely difficult juggling all the different emotions that were rushing through me.
It broke my heart to see my Mom. To look into her eyes and see all the pain that was there. Knowing it was my foolish actions that that have brought more pain and stress into her life.
The visit was going great until I over-reacted to some news that my mother had given away some of my possessions to my son's mother. I proceeded to get upset and it brought my mother to tears.
How foolish and self absorbed I was acting. After talking it out and trying to remove my foot from my mouth; I, of course, realized she had made the correct decision - as always. My son needed clothes and since I was no longer able to support them, they were in desperate straits.
Before I got arrested, I had a sales job that not only paid me ridiculous amounts of money, but also enabled me to spend my time as I desired. And it was totally legal. Unfortunately, the wealth went completely to my head. I started putting a lot of value on material things. I am completely irresponsible with money. My family always had limited income and after my parent's divorce, we were truly poor. It wasn't a good combination for handling the enormous amounts of money I was earning.
When I was arrested and taken into custody, I lost a lot of my belongings and somewhere deep inside I was still tenuously clinging on to what little I had left.
I wish I had kept my mouth shut but as usual my mouth goes faster than my brain. I was upset and it felt like I had just lost something extremely important. After I had mended things the best I could, or rather after my sister helped put things into prospective, we were able to enjoy the rest of our visit. After they left, I went back to my dorm. I felt devastated. I was angry and disappointed in myself.
I had not seen or spoken to my sister in over three months. My mom, longer. My mom doesn't even live in the same state as where I am now. She had spent a lot of time traveling to see me. to see her hurt like that broke my heart.
It caused me to do a lot of soul searching to find the root of my behavior. I wanted to pull out whatever had caused the problem. I did not realize, before, how much value I was STILL placing on wealth and material things.
My life as I had known it ended when I was arrested. I knew I was being given a second chance at life. it was a message to me that I needed to give up the world and my worldly desires and embrace the Lord completely. My life now belonged to Him. I know it always has belonged to God but by my actions I was serving a different master. Now I know that God was letting me know that there was still a little bit I needed to give up. I needed to stop placing my self-worth in things ans start placing it in service and my family. Ninety-eight percent is not enough. It has to be everything. Your whole entire heart needs to be committed to God and completely detached from things of this world.
I know that at one time in my life I completely understood the feelings of surrendering everything to God. I can't believe I have since forgotten how it feels. Scary and satisfying at the same time. There is a different level of peace and comfort that comes after the anxiety of that leap of faith. I am thankful for the lesson. i just wish it didn't have to come at my mother's expense.
I am hoping that they will be able to visit me again Monday. I am going to do everything I can to make sure my mother knows she is loved and appreciated. It will be her day, not mine. I just want to hold her hand and let her tell me about everything her little heart desires. I am going to encourage her to express all she has been bottling up in anticipation of seeing me.
Yesterday I could tell she was just so anxious to share and relate with me and I didn't take the time or effort to acknowledge everything she was trying to share. (We are all ADD/ADHD, so it is always a race to see who can talk first! Lol!)
Tomorrow will be her day. She will know I value her words because I an going to listen. I am going to ask questions about what she is talking about so that she knows I am listening. I am going to always look into her eyes when she is talking to me so she can see the love I have for her. I am not going to talk about myself because these visits are not for me. I am going to hold her hand and tell her I love her. Not just with words, but most importantly, with my actions.
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