Today has been a very enlightening day for me. It is sometimes difficult to share what happens in my everyday life because there is so much that happens that I don't write about. So many small things that eventually add up to mean a great deal to me. Yet, without explaining every detail, the events won't have as big of an impact on the reader as they have had on me. Regardless of this, I will do my best to explain why today was so enlightening to me.
There is this guy in my pod who is very vocal about religion. I would almost brand him an anti-Mormon, but not quite. I have mentioned several of my conversations with him in this journal. He is the one to whom I gave a Book of Mormon. I challenged him to read it at the end of of one his "attacks" on the church. Today he brought a book to my attention that he had on cults. One of the cults that the author went into ( in great detail) was the "Mormon" church or "Mormonism."
He shared with me that he had stopped reading the Book of Mormon after the first two books because he felt the core basic beliefs could not be backed up by the Old Testament. For anyone who knows me well, knows I do NOT run from gospel discussion. I will fight valiantly for the truth. I can be very persuasive with logical arguments. I did not go into attack mode right away, although my mind DID balk at his reason for quitting.
He said that he also stopped reading because there is no architectural evidence of the civilizations in the Book of Mormon. Then he told me that this book on cults goes into such great detail that he could not explain it as well as the author did. He asked me to read it. At first I said no, but he asked me again with an imploring look. I could tell that this was important to him. I had asked him to read the Book of Mormon, so it would only be fair if I read his book.
As I write this, I can imagine some cringing in terror. I can hear you shouting, "Don't read anti-Mormon literature!!" "It will poison your mind!" "Beware!!"
I want to assure you all that I am absolutely, positively, 100% converted to my Savior. I have had the personal witness of the Holy Ghost that:
1. The Book of Mormon is true
2. That Joseph Smith is a prophet of God
3. That Jesus Christ is the Savior, the Son of God and that He is my Redeemer
It would not be humanly possible for me to deny any of these three truths. I just couldn't do it. If someone put a gun to my head, and I was told that if I denied any of those three things, I could live; I would tell them they would have to pull the trigger. I know that is an extreme example, but having had that witness by the Holy Ghost, it is undeniable to me. Of all the uncertainties in life, those are the ONLY three things I know are absolutely, without a shadow of a doubt, true.
So back to the cult book... I read the beginning and noticed some false information, right away. I could also tell that the author was extremely biased against the Latter-Day Saints. It was very pretentious, but also filled with a lot of interesting facts. Pretty soon, I was just scanning it because it was so blatantly biased against my faith. There were many sections that went into great detail as to why the Book of Mormon was false. They listed the scientific reasons and other various reasons that had been disproved since the time that this book had been published in 2003.
When I was done, I returned the book with my battle plan laid out in my mind. I proceeded to shut down every argument he had. An example:
He said that if it wasn't mentioned in the Old Testament, then it couldn't be trusted. (He said Joseph Smith wasn't mentioned in the Old Testament, therefore he was false.) I then responded that if that were true, then he would have to throw out the New Testament. the Apostles who wrote it are not mentioned any where in the Old Testament. He said that Jesus gave authority to the apostles' words. I asked him if Jesus wrote any of the books in the New Testament.
This went on and on with every point you can imagine: The definition of a cult, the "unity" of Christians, requirements for salvation, etc. When I would logically defeat his argument, he would change subjects. after a while, I could tell it was going no where and decided to do the only thing I had left. I bore my testimony of the Savior to this man. I expressed the joy I feel in my soul in knowing that He has saved me from myself. I shared my deep love of god and my testimony that He loves us more than we can imagine.
After I had borne my testimony to this man, he told me that he hoped that was true as well. I thought "hoped"??? What the.... I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I told him that after a witness of the Spirit that something is true, it is almost impossible to deny it. You just KNOW, without a doubt, that it IS true. He said that he prays, prays and prays - every day - that Jesus really did what the New Testament says He did.
I was absolutely shocked. Dumbfounded. He was so passionate about what he believed was not true, yet he doesn't even know if what be believes - is true. He is 100% convinced that the LDS is of the Devil, yet he doesn't know if Jesus is his Savior.... After I expressed my dismay, he said, "Come on, you can't tell me that sometimes you don't doubt, even just a fraction, just for a second..." I replied, "I have never doubted since God gave me the witness I prayed for, not even for a second."
I never realized how in the dark most people are. They don't know the true Spirit of the Lord. The Holy Ghost is a mystery to them. I am so GRATEFUL. I have been SO blessed with a believing heart. I don't have to pray to believe. I have to pray that I obey!! I guess that's probably a lot worse!
Saturday, January 7, 2012
New Years Day, 2012
It's a new year and that always draws my thoughts to the kind of changes I would like to see take place in my life. New Year's resolutions often seem so wonderful and grand when I first make them. then time passes and life gets in the way and it completely overshadows them to the point that they disappear.
I don't know why, but I know that 2012 is a very special yer. I want to live my live each day as if this were going to be my last year alive. I feel a dramatic sense of urgency to be prepared to meet my Savior. I can't seem to be able to stop thinking about how critical this year is going to be for me in many different ways.
I have been in prison for over a year. It is tough and challenging, but I have grown immensely and I am truly grateful for this "time-out." I still feel that I can be doing more, that I could have worked harder and done more.
I have to keep reminding myself that my Heavenly Father doesn't care about what I perceive my results are as much as He cares about my efforts. All He wants from me is to try with all my heart, might, mind and strength. I know I can do that, even if I doubt what good it would do.
I have promised myself to re-engage myself in the quest to becoming "Spiritually Centered." I know this is the key for me and no matter what happens, I am going to invest myself 100% That is my #1 resolution...become spiritually centered. I know that the true success of all my other resolutions depend on this one.
I ask for all of your prayers and you will have mine. I pray that this year we will all place a greater emphasis on keeping ourselves spiritually centered, so that we might be able to hear the whispering of the Spirit clearly and consistently.
If we can hear, we can obey.
I don't know why, but I know that 2012 is a very special yer. I want to live my live each day as if this were going to be my last year alive. I feel a dramatic sense of urgency to be prepared to meet my Savior. I can't seem to be able to stop thinking about how critical this year is going to be for me in many different ways.
I have been in prison for over a year. It is tough and challenging, but I have grown immensely and I am truly grateful for this "time-out." I still feel that I can be doing more, that I could have worked harder and done more.
I have to keep reminding myself that my Heavenly Father doesn't care about what I perceive my results are as much as He cares about my efforts. All He wants from me is to try with all my heart, might, mind and strength. I know I can do that, even if I doubt what good it would do.
I have promised myself to re-engage myself in the quest to becoming "Spiritually Centered." I know this is the key for me and no matter what happens, I am going to invest myself 100% That is my #1 resolution...become spiritually centered. I know that the true success of all my other resolutions depend on this one.
I ask for all of your prayers and you will have mine. I pray that this year we will all place a greater emphasis on keeping ourselves spiritually centered, so that we might be able to hear the whispering of the Spirit clearly and consistently.
If we can hear, we can obey.
Christmas Day, 2011
Today is Christmas day. My heart is fully drawn out to my Savior, Jesus Christ. this is the day we celebrate His birth and also express our love and appreciation for our family members and loved ones.
I want to take this time to express my love for the two most important people in my life: my son and my mother.
Mom, I know I wasn't able to tell you today that I wish you a Merry Christmas. I was unable to tell you how much I love you and miss you. But, I trust that you DO know that I love you so much. You are an angel in my life, and it always pains me to know that my being in prison causes you so much pain. If I had the world, I would give it to you and it still would not be enough to be deserving of you. Every single thing about you is an example to me. I cherish every smile I see on your face and it is my sole wish that you would smile always.
I want you to know that I have found happiness in here. Please know that I have found joy in my Savior. He holds me up and keeps me from drowning in my sorrows. Every single day I am striving to learn more of Him, to be more like Him, to learn more about myself and how I can make sure I never fall from His grace again.
Because of my daily efforts, He has blessed me with the supreme gift, the Holy Ghost. He is my constant companion, and a constant source of wisdom revelation, inspiration, and non-stop comfort and joy. Rejoice, Mom because I am going to be there, beyond the veil, dressed in white. We are an eternal family and we are going to have eternity to bask in each other's company. Today is but a moment. We weep now, but we will cheer in the end. I will never be lost to you again because our Heavenly Father loves us so much. He knows how much we need each other. He knows that this is what I needed to go through. I still have a long way to go, but I am confident that by the time I am released I will have a solid house built on the concrete foundation of Christ.
Briggs, my beautiful son. Oh, how I miss you! My life would not be complete without you in it. You are only 3, but I know that one day these words will reach you. I pray that you will have a testimony of how deeply your earthly father and your Heavenly father love you.
You are always on my mind and close to my heart. I long for the day that I con hold you again and tell you how much I have missed you. I will always be there for you. I will devote my life to you, son. I believe that you deserve more than I can possibly give you. My life is but a small payment in the debt I owe to you.
Trust in God, son. He has saved you for a very special mission. I am going to be there to help you achieve it. That is my mission in life. Please forgive me for choosing myself over you and getting myself locked up for the first ten ears of your life.
I hope you had a wonderful Christmas. My thought and prayers are always with you.
I want to take this time to express my love for the two most important people in my life: my son and my mother.
Mom, I know I wasn't able to tell you today that I wish you a Merry Christmas. I was unable to tell you how much I love you and miss you. But, I trust that you DO know that I love you so much. You are an angel in my life, and it always pains me to know that my being in prison causes you so much pain. If I had the world, I would give it to you and it still would not be enough to be deserving of you. Every single thing about you is an example to me. I cherish every smile I see on your face and it is my sole wish that you would smile always.
I want you to know that I have found happiness in here. Please know that I have found joy in my Savior. He holds me up and keeps me from drowning in my sorrows. Every single day I am striving to learn more of Him, to be more like Him, to learn more about myself and how I can make sure I never fall from His grace again.
Because of my daily efforts, He has blessed me with the supreme gift, the Holy Ghost. He is my constant companion, and a constant source of wisdom revelation, inspiration, and non-stop comfort and joy. Rejoice, Mom because I am going to be there, beyond the veil, dressed in white. We are an eternal family and we are going to have eternity to bask in each other's company. Today is but a moment. We weep now, but we will cheer in the end. I will never be lost to you again because our Heavenly Father loves us so much. He knows how much we need each other. He knows that this is what I needed to go through. I still have a long way to go, but I am confident that by the time I am released I will have a solid house built on the concrete foundation of Christ.
Briggs, my beautiful son. Oh, how I miss you! My life would not be complete without you in it. You are only 3, but I know that one day these words will reach you. I pray that you will have a testimony of how deeply your earthly father and your Heavenly father love you.
You are always on my mind and close to my heart. I long for the day that I con hold you again and tell you how much I have missed you. I will always be there for you. I will devote my life to you, son. I believe that you deserve more than I can possibly give you. My life is but a small payment in the debt I owe to you.
Trust in God, son. He has saved you for a very special mission. I am going to be there to help you achieve it. That is my mission in life. Please forgive me for choosing myself over you and getting myself locked up for the first ten ears of your life.
I hope you had a wonderful Christmas. My thought and prayers are always with you.
12-21-2011
"Time is two days, one safe and one of peril
And our lives are two halves, one fair, one overcast
Say to those who reproach us for what Time has done:
'Does Time oppose any but great men?'
Do you don see that when the storm winds blow
It is the tall trees that they strike?
Corpses rise to the surface of the sea,
While it is in the depths that pearls lie hid.
It may be that time mishandles us,
Subjecting us to to constant harm.
Though in the heavens thee are countless stars,
Only the sun and the moon suffer eclipse.
There are both green and dry boughs on the earth,
But we throw stones only at those with fruit.
You think well of the days when they are fire,
So do not fear the evil that fate brings."
Arabian Nights
"Time is two days, one safe and one of peril
And our lives are two halves, one fair, one overcast
Say to those who reproach us for what Time has done:
'Does Time oppose any but great men?'
Do you don see that when the storm winds blow
It is the tall trees that they strike?
Corpses rise to the surface of the sea,
While it is in the depths that pearls lie hid.
It may be that time mishandles us,
Subjecting us to to constant harm.
Though in the heavens thee are countless stars,
Only the sun and the moon suffer eclipse.
There are both green and dry boughs on the earth,
But we throw stones only at those with fruit.
You think well of the days when they are fire,
So do not fear the evil that fate brings."
Arabian Nights
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