March 26, 2011
I also had an interesting experience while playing cards with the usual group of guys. When we play cards, everyone usually harasses one another. One of the guys gets the brunt of the harassment. He is the same guy I offered to store out some cookies to a week or two ago with no tax.
They were giving him a hard time and he was just laughing it off, as usual. I then told him that I really cared about him and that if there was anything he ever needed, I would help him. He looked at me like I was crazy. I looked him right in the eye and said with conviction,"I'm serious." I had nothing but love in my heart. It got kind of quiet at the table for a moment, but I didn't care what any one thought.
I now have so much love in my heart; it is flowing out at unexpected times. He just kind of looked at me with an odd look and I looked away because I did not want him to feel uncomfortable. i had told him I was his friend and I was here to help him whenever he needed it. I was satisfied. The strangest thing was that it came out of nowhere. I felt like I just opened my mouth and words of support just couldn't be stopped. I had to express it.
I am so excited to be able to see with my new eyes. I am also starting to see that it might be a lonely place to be. There is so much spiritual darkness here. A lot of people are completely temporally focused.
I would never have been able to see the difference. The change has happened just recently. Now the difference is like night and day to me. I know I have a long way to go. I am just so grateful that I finally understand exactly what I am supposed to do and how to get where I want to go.
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Ackward Missionary Moment
March 26, 2011
Today has been an amazing day. I had an awesome missionary experience with a guy in my pod. It was the same guy that got into a fight with the little guy who used a lock in his sock.
He asked me if I was "Mormon." I told him I was. This is the second time he asked me this question, so my spiritual ears perked up immediately. I gave a quick prayer - "Father, I am grateful for this opportunity to testify of Thee and Thy Son. Please bless me with the Holy ghost so that I may know what to say."
He asked me if we believe that the righteous will rule the Earth. I told him that we do. I guessed he was talking about the Millennium. He then began to quote several scriptures that had reference to that, such as the Lord's Prayer and some in Isaiah. He told me that the Lord said the "meek shall inherit the Earth." He goes on to expand greatly on this subject. He mentioned that it was written that there will be a new heaven and a new earth.
It was fascinating to me how much this non-member had learned about the truths which are so plainly taught to us by modern scripture. In fact, he was teaching me. I would never have guessed that this guy knew the Bible so well and had been obviously doing some diligent study. I agreed with everything he was saying. I, then, felt prompted to ask if he knew anyone else who was a Mormon. He told me he did. It was one of the Spanish speaking brothers in our "ward." He said that this brother really knew a lot.
I immediately invited him to come to church with us. He kinda ignored the offer, but you can bet I am going to watch him like a hawk and I am going to pounce at the very first prompting i get from the Spirit to follow up on it. I bore a quick testimony to him and told him how impressed I was with how much be knew about the gospel.
Now - here is the real crazy part: All this happened in the shower. No, we don't have to group showers here, thankfully. They have shower stalls that are lined up along a wall and three people shower at once. they are separated by a wall about four feet high, and three feet away from the wall. There are five stalls total, but only three guys shower at the same time so that there is an empty stall next to each guy.
You never know when a chance to bear witness of the truthfulness of the gospel is going to appear. I am grateful that since I have been developing the habit of praying always, I was completely prepared to share the gospel and stand as a witness of Christ - even with two other guys. I know that sounds bad, but I was so excited to share the gospel, I didn't care one bit!
Today has been an amazing day. I had an awesome missionary experience with a guy in my pod. It was the same guy that got into a fight with the little guy who used a lock in his sock.
He asked me if I was "Mormon." I told him I was. This is the second time he asked me this question, so my spiritual ears perked up immediately. I gave a quick prayer - "Father, I am grateful for this opportunity to testify of Thee and Thy Son. Please bless me with the Holy ghost so that I may know what to say."
He asked me if we believe that the righteous will rule the Earth. I told him that we do. I guessed he was talking about the Millennium. He then began to quote several scriptures that had reference to that, such as the Lord's Prayer and some in Isaiah. He told me that the Lord said the "meek shall inherit the Earth." He goes on to expand greatly on this subject. He mentioned that it was written that there will be a new heaven and a new earth.
It was fascinating to me how much this non-member had learned about the truths which are so plainly taught to us by modern scripture. In fact, he was teaching me. I would never have guessed that this guy knew the Bible so well and had been obviously doing some diligent study. I agreed with everything he was saying. I, then, felt prompted to ask if he knew anyone else who was a Mormon. He told me he did. It was one of the Spanish speaking brothers in our "ward." He said that this brother really knew a lot.
I immediately invited him to come to church with us. He kinda ignored the offer, but you can bet I am going to watch him like a hawk and I am going to pounce at the very first prompting i get from the Spirit to follow up on it. I bore a quick testimony to him and told him how impressed I was with how much be knew about the gospel.
Now - here is the real crazy part: All this happened in the shower. No, we don't have to group showers here, thankfully. They have shower stalls that are lined up along a wall and three people shower at once. they are separated by a wall about four feet high, and three feet away from the wall. There are five stalls total, but only three guys shower at the same time so that there is an empty stall next to each guy.
You never know when a chance to bear witness of the truthfulness of the gospel is going to appear. I am grateful that since I have been developing the habit of praying always, I was completely prepared to share the gospel and stand as a witness of Christ - even with two other guys. I know that sounds bad, but I was so excited to share the gospel, I didn't care one bit!
Letter to Mom - Part Two
March 25, 2011
You are a spiritual giant, Mom. A perfect soul who was exceptionally faithful in the pre-mortal existence. You have already won, Mom. We just need to allow God to love us and place all our worth on His love. Every single day we live should be an amazing, awesome day! No matter what trials we come across, as long as we are spiritually centered and use those trials for what they were intended - spiritual growth.
The natural man tells us that we are not enough, that we are not doing it good enough, that we need to do better or that is not enough. Not enough! All God wants from us is progress! He doesn't care if we make mistakes, if we have trouble with addictions, if we are selfish at times. What matters is that we are trying to improve, that we are dedicated and determined to stay on that straight and narrow path - no matter what. He sees us making progress, no matter how small that progress may seem to us, it is enough for us to qualify for eternal life.
I love you so much, Mom. You have always shown me the kind of love that God has for us, so I know you know how much God loves you. Rejoice in the knowledge that we have the gospel in our lives, that we are on the path to eternal life, that we will be able to be together for all eternity as a family.
I am so grateful to have you as a mother. Whatever I did before to qualify for such a tremendous blessing must have been pretty awesome. Thank you, Mom, for your testimony. thank you for always seeing my true worth, even though I never did.
I can honestly say I never had any self-esteem, until now. What a glorious statement that is! I feel like I am worth something! I feel good about myself! the most important thing is that none of these feelings are tied to anything on the temporal level. I am starting to see my spiritual self for the very first time.
Now that I can see how god sees me, I can also see how God sees others. Now that I am starting to truly love myself as God loves me, I can start loving others the same way.
I hope you are smiling, Mom. I hope you know how much I love and appreciate you. without you I would be lost. Now that I have found the path, don't you think I am going to let you out of my sight even for a second! Don't you even think about wandering off! I got my eye on you, Mom-ster!
Thank you again, Momma, for everything. I love you.
You are a spiritual giant, Mom. A perfect soul who was exceptionally faithful in the pre-mortal existence. You have already won, Mom. We just need to allow God to love us and place all our worth on His love. Every single day we live should be an amazing, awesome day! No matter what trials we come across, as long as we are spiritually centered and use those trials for what they were intended - spiritual growth.
The natural man tells us that we are not enough, that we are not doing it good enough, that we need to do better or that is not enough. Not enough! All God wants from us is progress! He doesn't care if we make mistakes, if we have trouble with addictions, if we are selfish at times. What matters is that we are trying to improve, that we are dedicated and determined to stay on that straight and narrow path - no matter what. He sees us making progress, no matter how small that progress may seem to us, it is enough for us to qualify for eternal life.
I love you so much, Mom. You have always shown me the kind of love that God has for us, so I know you know how much God loves you. Rejoice in the knowledge that we have the gospel in our lives, that we are on the path to eternal life, that we will be able to be together for all eternity as a family.
I am so grateful to have you as a mother. Whatever I did before to qualify for such a tremendous blessing must have been pretty awesome. Thank you, Mom, for your testimony. thank you for always seeing my true worth, even though I never did.
I can honestly say I never had any self-esteem, until now. What a glorious statement that is! I feel like I am worth something! I feel good about myself! the most important thing is that none of these feelings are tied to anything on the temporal level. I am starting to see my spiritual self for the very first time.
Now that I can see how god sees me, I can also see how God sees others. Now that I am starting to truly love myself as God loves me, I can start loving others the same way.
I hope you are smiling, Mom. I hope you know how much I love and appreciate you. without you I would be lost. Now that I have found the path, don't you think I am going to let you out of my sight even for a second! Don't you even think about wandering off! I got my eye on you, Mom-ster!
Thank you again, Momma, for everything. I love you.
A Letter to Mom - Part One
March 25, 2011
The first thing I want to address is what I have learned about my Heavenly Father. I always felt like it was strange that we prayed to Him and not Christ. I always found myself wanting to talk to the Savior. I actually remember thinking, "What is the point in praying to the Father? It's the Son who does everything for us." I had no connection with the Father, but I could relate to Jesus. I was pretty much wholly focused on the Savior.
This is 100% the correct way to get into the telestial kingdom. It is not going to get me to the Celestial Kingdom. It is not about the Savior; it is about God, the Eternal Father. Even Christ, Himself, says that it all about the Father. He gives all the credit to Him. Everything He does is for the Father.
As shocking as it may seem, before the CD program "Becoming Spiritually Centered," that you sent me, I did not know my God. Now I do. I understand! I can feel my Father's love for me. My focus is on Him and nothing else. Anything less is not going to get me where I want to be.
I am being taught that anything we allow to create value in ourselves needs to come from God. If our self-worth is tied to anything else, it generates low feelings of self-worth. I now understand that that God loves us unconditionally. He loves me the same regardless of my performance. I am of equal worth to Him as the Savior. Christ is of equal worth to God as Lucifer is. Our Father in Heaven has a perfect love. My worth to Him is unmeasurable. Absolutely nothing will ever change my true worth. Nothing. The only thing that changes is MY ability to FEEL His love. When I walk in the light, I can feel His love for me.
I now am placing my self-worth on God's love for me and detaching myself from all those things that used to give me self=esteem. Things like winning, physical appearance, helping others, etc. Whenever we allow ANYTHING in this temporal world to value us, we are giving the Adversary a way to bring us down.
Everything we do needs to be dedicated to and done for God.
For example, do you feel bad that I am in prison? I heard you say "yes." Why? You know that the Lord has a plan for me and He is going to do whatever it takes to ensure I come back to Him. You should be rejoicing, Mom. You can't? Why not? Don't be temporally centered. See the situation as Christ sees it. Look with your spiritual eyes and you would be dancing for joy! Why feel sorrow for the pain I had to endure? You know that it was for my spiritual growth. You know it was God's way of helping me. Celebrate, Mom! Let go of the natural man's urges to be selfish and try to see things as God sees it. This is but a moment, Mom. God loves us, we are spiritual angels with worth unmeasurable.
I am opening my eyes and accepting God's love. I can feel it so strongly at times, it is almost overwhelming. Rejoice in this life with me, Mom. Your value is not based on how well you have raised us. It is not based on how well you can do bead work, or how well you teach, or how much you weigh. (to be continued)
The first thing I want to address is what I have learned about my Heavenly Father. I always felt like it was strange that we prayed to Him and not Christ. I always found myself wanting to talk to the Savior. I actually remember thinking, "What is the point in praying to the Father? It's the Son who does everything for us." I had no connection with the Father, but I could relate to Jesus. I was pretty much wholly focused on the Savior.
This is 100% the correct way to get into the telestial kingdom. It is not going to get me to the Celestial Kingdom. It is not about the Savior; it is about God, the Eternal Father. Even Christ, Himself, says that it all about the Father. He gives all the credit to Him. Everything He does is for the Father.
As shocking as it may seem, before the CD program "Becoming Spiritually Centered," that you sent me, I did not know my God. Now I do. I understand! I can feel my Father's love for me. My focus is on Him and nothing else. Anything less is not going to get me where I want to be.
I am being taught that anything we allow to create value in ourselves needs to come from God. If our self-worth is tied to anything else, it generates low feelings of self-worth. I now understand that that God loves us unconditionally. He loves me the same regardless of my performance. I am of equal worth to Him as the Savior. Christ is of equal worth to God as Lucifer is. Our Father in Heaven has a perfect love. My worth to Him is unmeasurable. Absolutely nothing will ever change my true worth. Nothing. The only thing that changes is MY ability to FEEL His love. When I walk in the light, I can feel His love for me.
I now am placing my self-worth on God's love for me and detaching myself from all those things that used to give me self=esteem. Things like winning, physical appearance, helping others, etc. Whenever we allow ANYTHING in this temporal world to value us, we are giving the Adversary a way to bring us down.
Everything we do needs to be dedicated to and done for God.
For example, do you feel bad that I am in prison? I heard you say "yes." Why? You know that the Lord has a plan for me and He is going to do whatever it takes to ensure I come back to Him. You should be rejoicing, Mom. You can't? Why not? Don't be temporally centered. See the situation as Christ sees it. Look with your spiritual eyes and you would be dancing for joy! Why feel sorrow for the pain I had to endure? You know that it was for my spiritual growth. You know it was God's way of helping me. Celebrate, Mom! Let go of the natural man's urges to be selfish and try to see things as God sees it. This is but a moment, Mom. God loves us, we are spiritual angels with worth unmeasurable.
I am opening my eyes and accepting God's love. I can feel it so strongly at times, it is almost overwhelming. Rejoice in this life with me, Mom. Your value is not based on how well you have raised us. It is not based on how well you can do bead work, or how well you teach, or how much you weigh. (to be continued)
The Lesson of the Cookies
March 16, 2011
Church was amazing. I felt the Spirit very strongly. The subject was the Atonement. I was able to comment and participate because I have been studying it recently. The stake president was also there for the first time; a glowing man, bubbling with the spirit. You can always tell who the stake presidents are. You could almost see the Holy ghost following him around.
Today was been an all around awesome day. I can tell the Spirit is working very strongly on me because I did some things today that surprised me.
First when "store" came (the items purchased from the prison commissary were delivered), I noticed that the new white guy that was moved in here about a week ago didn't get anything. I was impressed to go and give him a Ritz cracker pack. They are the little ones with six Ritz peanut butter crackers. At first, I second guessed myself and thought, "Oh that would be weird, I haven't even said so much as hi to the guy." Right after I thought that, I was immediately impressed again to give the guy one. At that point, I knew the Holy ghost was inspiring me to do something and I didn't hesitate to do it. I felt good doing it. I have to be honest, it felt foreign to me, being led by the Spirit. It has been longer than I can remember when I felt that exact kind of prompting. The Spirit confirmed to me that I was being directed.
Later that evening, I had another thought pop in my head out of nowhere. I remembered that my buddy, Jeremy, did not get any store for himself. He owed some people store and had to pay them back with everything he had ordered. This time I didn't hesitate; I just went over to him. I didn't know what I was going to say. I opened my mouth and out popped, "You didn't get any store for yourself, did you? He said that he didn't, that he had to pay everyone back. "I have some cookies that I could store out to you with no tax," I offered. He kinda looked at me like I was crazy. Everyone usually charges a "tax" (like you have to pay back the one your borrowed, plus one more) when they let someone borrow anything. "So, you have some cookies that you don't want?" he asked suspiciously. I got the feeling that he was really thrown off by my random offer to help him out. "I didn't say I didn't want them. But if you want some, just let me know," I told him, as I started to walk away.
As I was leaving, the new white guy (that I had given the crackers to) waved me over to his bunk. He lives in the bunk across from Jeremy. He wanted to tell me thank you for the crackers. We shook hands and I told him I knew how it was, just settling in, and seeing everyone get store when yo u had next to nothing. As I walked back to my bunk, I had the biggest smile on my heart. Nothing beats the feeling of knowing that the Lord is using you to do good. Today was another spiritual breakthrough for me. Now that I have a taste for being led by the Spirit, I am focusing even more on keeping Him with me always.
Church was amazing. I felt the Spirit very strongly. The subject was the Atonement. I was able to comment and participate because I have been studying it recently. The stake president was also there for the first time; a glowing man, bubbling with the spirit. You can always tell who the stake presidents are. You could almost see the Holy ghost following him around.
Today was been an all around awesome day. I can tell the Spirit is working very strongly on me because I did some things today that surprised me.
First when "store" came (the items purchased from the prison commissary were delivered), I noticed that the new white guy that was moved in here about a week ago didn't get anything. I was impressed to go and give him a Ritz cracker pack. They are the little ones with six Ritz peanut butter crackers. At first, I second guessed myself and thought, "Oh that would be weird, I haven't even said so much as hi to the guy." Right after I thought that, I was immediately impressed again to give the guy one. At that point, I knew the Holy ghost was inspiring me to do something and I didn't hesitate to do it. I felt good doing it. I have to be honest, it felt foreign to me, being led by the Spirit. It has been longer than I can remember when I felt that exact kind of prompting. The Spirit confirmed to me that I was being directed.
Later that evening, I had another thought pop in my head out of nowhere. I remembered that my buddy, Jeremy, did not get any store for himself. He owed some people store and had to pay them back with everything he had ordered. This time I didn't hesitate; I just went over to him. I didn't know what I was going to say. I opened my mouth and out popped, "You didn't get any store for yourself, did you? He said that he didn't, that he had to pay everyone back. "I have some cookies that I could store out to you with no tax," I offered. He kinda looked at me like I was crazy. Everyone usually charges a "tax" (like you have to pay back the one your borrowed, plus one more) when they let someone borrow anything. "So, you have some cookies that you don't want?" he asked suspiciously. I got the feeling that he was really thrown off by my random offer to help him out. "I didn't say I didn't want them. But if you want some, just let me know," I told him, as I started to walk away.
As I was leaving, the new white guy (that I had given the crackers to) waved me over to his bunk. He lives in the bunk across from Jeremy. He wanted to tell me thank you for the crackers. We shook hands and I told him I knew how it was, just settling in, and seeing everyone get store when yo u had next to nothing. As I walked back to my bunk, I had the biggest smile on my heart. Nothing beats the feeling of knowing that the Lord is using you to do good. Today was another spiritual breakthrough for me. Now that I have a taste for being led by the Spirit, I am focusing even more on keeping Him with me always.
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