10-18-2011
It has been a long time since my last journal entry. Much has happened. My mother came to visit me almost exactly a month ago. She was able to speed three awesome 8-hour days with me. I had a wonderful time. It almost seemed like normal.
After the visit was over, I spent a week locked down because the prison decided to do their quarterly search of the whole facility. I was unable to work out and that added to the decline in my motivational levels. I seemed to crash and burn for a few weeks. Now I am really starting to get back into my routine.
I am grateful that through it all I was able to remain consistent in my scripture studies. It has provided me light and the strength I was looking for to keep pushing forward. No matter what, never let go of the rod. Even if everything else is falling apart, if you can just hold onto that one thing, you will always reach the light at the end of the tunnel.
Friday, December 16, 2011
Poem: The Battle
Why do we cry at night
When we close our eyes tight?
Racing thoughts seem to cross our minds
And we never quite know what it finds.
Hidden things jump out and make you yell...
"Help! Help! What IS this thing?!
I don't like the despair you bring!
Be gone at once from this place!"
You scream into the changing face.
You plant your foot and straighten your back.
It's certainly not courage that you lack.
Surely the darkness must take flight
When it's faced with all your might.
Stalking forward, with a glare in your eye,
You're amazed that the darkness doesn't die.
It swells and grows into twisted shapes,
Great black eyes, like bottomless lakes.
It lears at you and begins to grin,
the dark words pierce you from deep within...
"Pride is the trap, and I have you caught!
I only grew stronger the more you fought."
It's words are darts laced with fire,
"Now you're mine, to do with as I desire!"
With a great leap, the end rushes near.
It's so close, you can smell the fear.
Your powerful arm is rent in two,
Limbs turn asunder, nothing you can do.
Broken, beaten, laid to waste...
Blood and bile is all you can taste.
With your last breath, you whisper a name,
through broken teeth and a mountain of shame.
"Jesus! Jesus!" is your desperate request,
Uttered from within your heaving chest.
You wipe your eyes and toss and turn,
Hoping that someday you might learn.
that one day the thoughts will cease
And your mind will become a bountious feast.
To be pure and true, never afraid to do,
To be reborn, remade into a whole new you...
Is such a thing beyond your reach?
Are you the exception? The one He can't reach?
You can't force your way through this one;
Only obedience knees can get it done.
Blindfold your eyes so you can't see.
You must follow the Spirit to be set free.
Don't be surprised if you still cry at night,
While on your knees, holding scriptures tight.
Racing thoughts still cross your mind.
This time you know what they will find...
Beams of light! That shatter the night!
A vision opens up, such a glorious sight!
You see your Savior abolish the beast,
Then He gives you His love - and you begin to feast!
It's a never ending supply that He offers you,
So never give up! Be Strong! Be true!
Because, for you, there is nothing He won't do.
When we close our eyes tight?
Racing thoughts seem to cross our minds
And we never quite know what it finds.
Hidden things jump out and make you yell...
"Help! Help! What IS this thing?!
I don't like the despair you bring!
Be gone at once from this place!"
You scream into the changing face.
You plant your foot and straighten your back.
It's certainly not courage that you lack.
Surely the darkness must take flight
When it's faced with all your might.
Stalking forward, with a glare in your eye,
You're amazed that the darkness doesn't die.
It swells and grows into twisted shapes,
Great black eyes, like bottomless lakes.
It lears at you and begins to grin,
the dark words pierce you from deep within...
"Pride is the trap, and I have you caught!
I only grew stronger the more you fought."
It's words are darts laced with fire,
"Now you're mine, to do with as I desire!"
With a great leap, the end rushes near.
It's so close, you can smell the fear.
Your powerful arm is rent in two,
Limbs turn asunder, nothing you can do.
Broken, beaten, laid to waste...
Blood and bile is all you can taste.
With your last breath, you whisper a name,
through broken teeth and a mountain of shame.
"Jesus! Jesus!" is your desperate request,
Uttered from within your heaving chest.
You wipe your eyes and toss and turn,
Hoping that someday you might learn.
that one day the thoughts will cease
And your mind will become a bountious feast.
To be pure and true, never afraid to do,
To be reborn, remade into a whole new you...
Is such a thing beyond your reach?
Are you the exception? The one He can't reach?
You can't force your way through this one;
Only obedience knees can get it done.
Blindfold your eyes so you can't see.
You must follow the Spirit to be set free.
Don't be surprised if you still cry at night,
While on your knees, holding scriptures tight.
Racing thoughts still cross your mind.
This time you know what they will find...
Beams of light! That shatter the night!
A vision opens up, such a glorious sight!
You see your Savior abolish the beast,
Then He gives you His love - and you begin to feast!
It's a never ending supply that He offers you,
So never give up! Be Strong! Be true!
Because, for you, there is nothing He won't do.
Poem: Enduring
We must be implicitly thankful in all things
Regardless of the trials this life brings.
We must be strong and stout
So our seeds of faith may sprout.
We must follow His ways and do as we're told,
Then we will always be apart of His fold.
We must not faint as we seek His face;
Only then will we qualify for His Grace.
We must forgive, seventy times seven
So we may be able to enter heaven.
We must never forget what was done.
For US, God gave up His Beloved Son.
Regardless of the trials this life brings.
We must be strong and stout
So our seeds of faith may sprout.
We must follow His ways and do as we're told,
Then we will always be apart of His fold.
We must not faint as we seek His face;
Only then will we qualify for His Grace.
We must forgive, seventy times seven
So we may be able to enter heaven.
We must never forget what was done.
For US, God gave up His Beloved Son.
Chastity
8-25-11
The past two weeks have been really good to me. I am growing stronger in faith every day and, with that, the Lord is blessing me more and more.
I am really starting to realize that after a life of so much sin, it is going to take time to pull up my roots out of the darkness. The biggest breakthrough I have made is regarding chastity. I am learning what it means to "cherish" chastity.
The more I have opened my heart to God, and decided to truly follow His commandments the best I can, the more He is enabling me to plant the virtuous seeds of His gospel. It is a great feeling to realize that I am truly making spiritual progress in an area I never have be able to before. I am excited to see what the future weeks bring.
The past two weeks have been really good to me. I am growing stronger in faith every day and, with that, the Lord is blessing me more and more.
I am really starting to realize that after a life of so much sin, it is going to take time to pull up my roots out of the darkness. The biggest breakthrough I have made is regarding chastity. I am learning what it means to "cherish" chastity.
The more I have opened my heart to God, and decided to truly follow His commandments the best I can, the more He is enabling me to plant the virtuous seeds of His gospel. It is a great feeling to realize that I am truly making spiritual progress in an area I never have be able to before. I am excited to see what the future weeks bring.
Several Thoughts
August 15, 2011
This week is starting out great. Even though it is supposed to reach 110 degrees all through the week, I am looking forward to exercising. Unfortunately, the last couple of days I have been on a sugar binge. It all started off with one soda and took off from there.
It has really reminded me of what an addictive personality I have and how important and powerful that can be if directed to things of a spiritual nature.
The more I really focus on doing 30 minutes of scripture study first thing in the morning, the more I can feel an increase of His Spirit. The more I feel His Spirit, the happier I am. When I see the fruits from reading the scriptures, the more want to read! It's a "vicious" cycle. Lol!
On thing that has really been on my mind lately is the Second Coming of our Savior and Redeemer, Jesus Christ. I am so excited for the Millennium. I just pray I am found worthy to learn from the Master for 1000 years on Earth.
Let's all put forth our best efforts to help prepare the way for Him so we won't have to wait much longer.
This week is starting out great. Even though it is supposed to reach 110 degrees all through the week, I am looking forward to exercising. Unfortunately, the last couple of days I have been on a sugar binge. It all started off with one soda and took off from there.
It has really reminded me of what an addictive personality I have and how important and powerful that can be if directed to things of a spiritual nature.
The more I really focus on doing 30 minutes of scripture study first thing in the morning, the more I can feel an increase of His Spirit. The more I feel His Spirit, the happier I am. When I see the fruits from reading the scriptures, the more want to read! It's a "vicious" cycle. Lol!
On thing that has really been on my mind lately is the Second Coming of our Savior and Redeemer, Jesus Christ. I am so excited for the Millennium. I just pray I am found worthy to learn from the Master for 1000 years on Earth.
Let's all put forth our best efforts to help prepare the way for Him so we won't have to wait much longer.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Apology.
This is Matt's mom. I have had several things happening and have neglected Matt's postings. I am sorry for the gap between the time they were written and when I am getting them posted. I will try to keep them in chronological order. Matt would welcome comments or mail letting him know what you think of his blogging.
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