June 27, 2011
Today I got to spend a full 8 hours with my mom. She is such an amazing woman. I wished that our time together would never end. It felt so good to see her smile. To see her eyes twinkle is one of the greatest blessings I have been given.
My heart broke when I realised how little she really gets to talk the way we talk when we get together. She has so much to share with me and I loved it. When she gets so excited to share some part of herself with me, it warms my heart.
Our conversation went from one end of the spectrum to the other. childhood, current events, dreams, and family affairs and plans for future included. My mother shared with me things about herself that she has never shared with another person. This means so much to me! That she was telling me things about herself that she has never told another person gave me such a special feeling. It gave me many insights into who that amazing woman is. I am grateful for the kinds of conversations I am able to have with her now. I attribute the change as another blessing of being in prison. The types of conversation I have in visitation rarely would occur if I were not in prison, so I am grateful for the chance to know my family better.
Now that the visit is over, my mind reflects on my childhood. I told my mom several times how messed up it was for me, how painful a lot of the memories were and how frustrating it was for me growing up. I failed to tell her that I DO have many amazing memories of her and all the fun things we did together. I want her to know that I am grateful for the childhood I had and that I don't hold her responsible for the tragedies in my childhood.
She helped me grow my testimony and she always made sure I knew I was loved. I do remember all that she had to suffer along with us, and I am ever grateful for her strength, spirit, and unconditional love she always poured out on us. I love you, Mom.
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