March 14, 2011
Today marks the 40th consecutive day of Operation Success. I will be starting 2 more actions tomorrow, bringing the total to nine. I can't believe the amount of change and improvement I have experienced in such a short amount of time. I can't even begin to fathom the results eight years of consistent action will produce. I have already experienced more benefits than I can count.
The past couple of days I have been focusing on inviting the Holy ghost into my day on a constant basis. As a result, I have been doing a lot of soul searching and reflecting back into my past. My understanding has been enlarged and I would like to share some of the "revelations" I have had about myself.
The first thing I realized is that I have never really focused on maintaining my testimony. There have been numerous times when I was "on fire," in regards to my zeal with the gospel. Yet, I seemed to keep forgetting to nurture that conviction and testimony Inevitably, something would throw a wrench in my spokes and I would be thrown into the dirt. I would, then, pick myself up, covered with filth, scratched and banged up. I would dust myself off and once the wounds were healed, set off again at full speed. I would make it only a short way down the road before I would crash again.
I can count four times in my life when this has happened. Each time started with me feeling so strong in the gospel. I would have told you that there was nothing that would be able to stop me. I was SO connected to the Lord. I can't even adequately express the amount of blessings which were poured upon each time I was "on fire." Each time started with me feeling as I do now...unstoppable.
Obviously, since I am now sitting in prison for the next eight years, and I have left a wake of destruction in my path, I wasn't really unstoppable.
Why did I fall each time? How can I prevent it from happening again? I realized that the testimony we have today may not be the testimony we have tomorrow. I failed to understand that it is something we must constantly seek to build up so that we may STAY converted.
I was caught up in all the amazing things that would happen in my life every time I was "re-converted." I then let my guard down and would ride out the amazing wave of joy my conversion created. when the wave played itself out, I found myself beached and the tests would resume and I would fall. You think I would have learned my lesson. I did get smart and I tried new things; but, in the end, I found myself left in the dark when my lamp ran out of oil.
No comments:
Post a Comment